MSU Extension Child & Family Development

The holiday season is an exciting and often overwhelming time. A lot is expected of young children in these busy days. Children have a lot they are looking forward to as well! With holiday wish lists, Santa, holiday parties, visits from cousins and so much more, expectations can run high. Along with those high expectations is bound to come occasional disappointment.

Sometimes, that moment of disappointment can appear at the worst possible moment. Your child eagerly opens a gift, takes one look at it and tosses it aside, whining, “But I wanted a ….” Meanwhile, grandma or uncle looks on in shock, disappointed that their gift wasn’t appreciated. What can parents or caregivers do ahead of time to avoid these awkward moments?

Michigan State University Extension offers the following tips for a happier holiday experience for all!

Be mindful of your child

Holidays bring a lot of stress for parents, caregivers and children. As adults, it’s easy to forget the whirlwind holiday season can be very overwhelming for children. Their routines are often disrupted by late nights and early mornings. People they haven’t seen in a year or more reappear in their little lives, wanting kisses and hugs. Healthy foods and predictable snack times are replaced by candy and treats and late-running family dinners.

If dinner will be running late, give your child a healthy, balanced snack ahead of time. If you have relatives coming from far away, remind the children ahead of time who they are, share pictures from their last visit or from social media sites. Help prepare your children for what’s going on by walking them through the day, talking about the schedule and your expectations for their behavior. Avoid having gift exchanges run late into the evening when children are tired and less able to control their behavior.

Practice makes perfect

Give your child the language to say thank you when they are receiving a gift: “Thank you for the (fill in the blank). I am going to (fill in the blank) with it.” Consider making this a game. Have children practice opening silly things, such as a roll of toilet paper, a single sock or a banana. Remind them of their prompts, “Thank you so much for this roll of toilet paper! I will keep it with me in the bathroom, I’m sure it will be very useful!” Kids find this game very silly, and it gives them the words to practice saying thank you when the gift from Grandma Gertrude isn’t quite on target.

Remind your child ahead of time they might get something they already have or don’t like, and that you will help them deal with that after the party, but at that time, it is still their responsibility to say, “Thank you,” for the gift they received.

Teach and model gratitude

Teach thankfulness and gratitude in your family. Hug your child and thank them for the hand-picked flower or drawing they give you. Avoid complaining about unwanted gifts in front of them: children learn by watching you.

Talk to children about the act of gift-giving and why we exchange gifts to mark special occasions such as holidays, weddings, baby’s births and birthdays. Include children in selecting gifts for their friends and family members when possible.

Involve your children in gift giving

Let kids help select or make gifts for their siblings, cousins or teachers. When they put effort into creating something special, they understand the thought behind gift giving. Remind them how they would feel if their gift wasn’t appreciated. This helps build empathy. Learning to be empathetic takes time, but you can support their development of empathy through learning experiences, books and other opportunities to step into another’s perspective.

Write thank-you cards

Though some see thank-you notes as old-fashioned, they’re a great way to show appreciation. Include your child in writing or creating thank-you notes. Toddlers and preschool children can paint paper that is cut down to cards or draw pictures on their cards. Children who are able can write their names inside where a note should do so. Consider taking pictures of the child playing with their gift or with the person who gave them the gift.

The holiday season is the perfect time to teach the meaning behind gift exchanges and the power of a sincere thank you. With a little planning, you can help your child learn gratitude and empathy and reduce those awkward “But I wanted…” moments.

Learn more about teaching your children gratitude, empathy and other social and emotional skills on the MSU Extension website.